Moving from Clueless to finding answers

Share I know from the title many of you are assuming this post is going to be about our good friend "Bob" and his attempts to ask out the girl at the gym but unfortunately for my readers it's just about me.

This is one hot Toga Dude! For the record I tried to go out with this guy but he turned me down.  So what if I have 4 kids and I'm happily married.  He had his chance.

Realization:
It has come to my attention that I am completely clueless about racing.  I guess being the Non Race Runner  can do that to you.  Saturday will be my first official 1/2 marathon race for me.  London's Run.  I came up with a great training plan several months ago when I signed up for the race and after about 3 weeks into the training plan I adjusted the training plan to be more in sync with the realities of my life and now here I am just a few days out from race day.
Racing:
This morning I read Chicago runner Kovas's post on Why do we Race and I found myself  asking myself,  "Why are you running on Saturday?"  I want to run the race yet I feel apprehensive about it at the same time.  It's definitely uncomfortable for me to run races.  I try to present myself like a strong, confident person and yet racing is a tough one for me.
Example:
 I've never run in an official 10K race before.  I've signed up for one, paid my money, I showed up, and when everyone lined up at the starting line and the gun went off, the racers went one way for 6.2 miles and I went the opposite way for 16 miles.  True story.  So why did I do that?  Why was it so much more stressful for me to be in a 6.2 mile race than a 16 mile run on my own?
Rewind to 2 days ago.....
I have the opportunity to volunteer on a regular basis for different things in my community, kids schools, and church.  Sunday night I held a meeting in my home for a banquet that I'm heading up that is coming up in 2 weeks.  Everyone at the meeting is there on a volunteer basis.  We had our meeting and I thought  everything went well and felt good with things being prepared and organized for the banquet.  Later that night I got an email from one of the volunteers expressing how they were unhappy about the meeting and the words/thoughts they expressed were directed towards yours truly.  Funny, I thought things went well.  So after getting this email I went back through the meeting in my head and suddenly I became aware of all these little things that could have gone better or maybe I should have done differently. So after one email I now feel like the meeting was a failure.  Nothing physically had changed except perhaps my perception because of somebody else's opinion.
Others Evaluations:
I think I'm getting closer to answering Kovas's question about why I race.  Stay with me here.
A little history:
The first race I ran was a marathon.  I didn't have a clue about running.  I signed up, found a training plan and did my best. There were many things I could have done better and differently but at the end of the race I had accomplished the goal I set out to do.  Finish a marathon.  I was happy and proud of myself.  Later others would ask me about the race and I had several people that felt the need to tell me all the things I could have done better and should have done differently.  So I had a great experience with my first marathon and then it turned into a bad one, nothing physical had changed except my perception.  This seemed to happen with following races.  Eventually I became the "Non Race Runner" because I was tired of other people "ruining" racing for me.
Observations:
Back to my little meeting experience.  I thought about this for a while (longer than I should have) and decided to take a closer look at things.  I'll give you the short list of what I discovered.
#1 All things that needed to be accomplished at the meeting were accomplished.
#2 Did I do the best that I could?  Yes.
#3 The person that sent the email has a history of "complaining" or being "frustrated"
My new conclusion:  The meeting was a success and it's unfortunate that someone chooses to look for the faults instead of the successes.  I can't do anything about that.
Putting yourself out there:
I love runners.  They are generally positive upbeat people.  We all come from different backgrounds, belief systems and types of families but we all have a common interest in running.  Some are fast, some slow(er), some skinny (with rockin abs), some not so much.  But we all rally together for each other.  But even in our little running blog world there are the ones that like to give their little jabs.  I'm not talking about the jabs in jest between friends but the "real" jabs that are meant to hurt.
You know the ones, like how EMZ isn't a real runner?  HA!  Seriously?
Or I seem to remember a lot of stabs directed at the funny and talented  SUAR.
Or how about the anonymous emails that some of us bloggers get saying they won't follow us anymore because "You're a mormon".  Those are always fun.  (Funny, I don't remember asking you to follow in the first place.)
I'm sure there are many more out there that you personally have maybe experienced that I don't know about but those are a few examples that come to my mind right away.
Point is....
There are always going to be these types of people in our life.  EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIFE.  We still have the power to choose what to do with them or with what they throw at us.
I've been hiding behind the name Non Race Runner because I thought other people were "ruining" my races but I just need to learn how to better deal with these kinds of people in all aspects of my life.
FINALLY--the reason I am going to race:
In case any of you are still reading you can learn the reason why I am going to start racing more.  It's because I want to get better--pretty simple.  Running is great but racing pushes you to do more than you would do on your own.  At least in my case.  I have a lot to learn and I've enjoyed running but I want to get faster and stronger (especially mentally) and I haven't been able to do that with just "running" so I need to do something more and racing more is part of that plan.  I have to learn that other peoples opinions are not going to determine what I do AND more importantly how I feel about what I do.
When you put yourself out there you are going to get stomped on sometimes.  Hopefully it is unintentional most of the time but the reality is that sometimes it is very intentional.  Remember the good things of why you do things and throw away the bad things.

So with that said I'm going to need a new name to my blog.  I was thinking about changing it to  "Busy mom of 4 kids doing the effing best I can and if you don't like it than you can kiss my friggin A** you stupid stupid dum dum head!"  But that may be a tad too long.

Since I haven't said enough already here is a closing thought:

"Sometimes the kindest thing you can say to somebody is the unkind word you don't say" 

 I feel I shouldn't close this post without giving some advice to my friend "Bob".   Maybe it's cliche but I want to tell him to just be himself.   Any girl that takes a minute to get to know "Bob" will fall head over heels for you.   Put yourself out there.  You never know what will happen.

Happy Running Everyone!
Love the,
 BMO4KDTEBICAIYDLIYCKMFAYSSDDH
(formerly known as NRR)